My Own Death

I've had one too many, the ordeals in which I am being put to test are like hidden knife stuck in my soul. One tick of movement could eventually slice my heart to my own death.

I write this as one of many ways to lift some of the burdens off my shoulder if not all. Seems like its come to the breaking point. Without knowing it, surprisingly I have worked on silently the attempt of killing myself.

Just look at the gap left in between of the then-and-now posts sums it up best of how my life is being tortured mercilessly.

Idiocy! Outrageous! Words I can shout out!

It is not that I never try, but to no avail. In that journey I've lost my loved ones and yet I fail to see light through the wreckage of that regrets.

Wish all you want! I wish that I had no wish at all. It brings me no good.

Being a stupid daydreamer does me never good. Every circumstance surrounds the life I am in now is very much influenced by the people I meet all around me.

If I ever had one wish, I would have never wanted to be defined by these people.

Excuse the brevity of this post, I am mourning still over the loss of my loved ones for I have sinned and done them wrong.

Have a good day!

Hi

Left behind is not an option, so instead of being the last to cross the finish line, it would be rather appropriate to pick up the pace and join the crowd.

Well that is the least you could achieve, isn't it if not being a winner.

I am a type that never feels great when being left behind or out of the crowd. At least that is what I used to be.

Apparently now it is a whole lot of different story. A new venture I never attempted in the first place.

I guess this in one way or another contributes to the fact that I am getting lazy day by day.

I couldn't help feeling sorry for myself. Why?

Everyday as I get out of my bed and thought to myself that it was a new chapter; fresh morning in hopes that the plans I had made the night prior would go smoothly.

As it turns out, never so apparently.

Recently diagnosed with decent high blood pressure, it is indeed a wake up call that fails to wake me up at all.

I work hard in putting back myself to the right track, I just want to live the life I used to live in.

To help occupy my time, I resorted to doing stuff that I would later regret for.

Would it be nice if for once I could turn the clock around and sort of go back to the old days.

I missed out on so many great things in my life, and my friends too; how badly I need them now.

Sadly too few that sticks by in time like this.

This is never meant to toot my own horn, evidently I am a friend would always be there in time of another friend needs help or just for an accompany.

Despite all this, we are still friends, I never ask a favor in return, but a short reply of "hi" would be lovely.

All of Me

Langit (Sky)

 Langit - Yuna

In just a few more days ahead, we will be coming in to a brand new month. Oh boy! I must admit that my tight schedule have had the better of me.

As of right now I am having a good time working from the comfort of my own room.

A friend in which I'd call the one through thick and thin is running a small business and given the nature of his business that requires him to travel, I decided to jump on board! So I am helping him out by co-managing his company while he's away.

It feels good working from home. 

But nonetheless the job hunt is ongoing! Clock is ticking! I am looking forward to settle down in a couple of years if the plan goes accordingly.

An offer came along but the location where the company is based at something needs further consideration.

Although age is just a number but as you grow older, what lies ahead is much more complicated.

I am doing all possible to prepare myself for what the future has in store for me.

There goes a short entry!

I am back!

Hi,

How are you there? 

How has your fasting been coming along so far? I hope that all is well.

I know that I did it again.

Be assured that I am still writing, just so happen I've been feeling a tad under the weather.

I feel that I am being left out again.

A close friend of mine, the one that is through thick and thin is now back in Amsterdam.

He flies quite frequently in a year especially given the nature of his work. I have no issue or whatsoever about that.

I have been receiving calls for job interview, but none of them made it to the final.

Anxious as I ever be, life must go on.

Hope and expectation must not die, sooner or later...you'll see light at the end of the tunnel.

Enjoy the dark side of your life while it lasts, when the light comes pouring in, the moment of the first shine through will blind and kill you momentarily. 

And that brief dead where your new journey starts. You are all freshen up! Like a new soul entering the world.

But beware! Opportunity knocks but once. While you are at it, enjoy as much as you can for it lasts not.

Don't take the easy way out. The harder you try...the stronger you become.

As I ever said in the past, procrastination silently kills you from inside out. Wait no more as life is short.

I'll try my best.

I am scared

Fly me to the moon...I have been off-colour of late...I wish I could turn around the clock back to the time when I was young.

Time flies fast, indeed.

Life is not getting any more longer and that's the fact we all live by, but  in my struggles towards achieving the dream I long, come along lives that have taught me the greatest lessons ever. the missing pieces are coming together.

Never an inch would I step back just to see the pasts. Let them be the history that will tell their own stories. What's rather important is the future that holds a lot of surprises.

There is just too much for me to bear, I am living the life I would not want to be in.

The loads on shoulder keep pressing me down.

All I could wish for is that the future would still hold those surprises. I wasted every second in my life thinking dreadful things about what the future might bring along with it.

I fail to see it coming is the worst nightmare ever and what's more is when you are too preoccupied with the present that last not.

Clock is ticking.

Madness

I am neither confused nor mad but rather in shock. After spending so much of my time, going back and forth it looks like that none of these seems to be working out.

One doctor after the other, still I can't make of this. Am I really sick? Why all the drugs have been prescribed leading to nothing but complete dead end.

When things are out of hand, my rants can be way too vicious. Is this really happening right now? None of the doctors I have seen seemingly to be trustworthy.

What all they are doing is try to make things easier, go around through the simplest way.

I know that it is a tough job having to see a bunch of people every single day, not to mention having to stay back at hospitals and up late night but you have made a sacred vow to save people's life. It is your job.

This is not how it supposedly looks, having experienced all this nightmares I can only say that I'd prefer private clinics or hospitals the next time I am sick.

Don't be a moron!

Nothing is more exciting than finally have that job you always dream of. It has been my long passion to be part of an airline.

One might say that I was so close even the tiny ants could not get through of it but came a test. It changed everything.

I am more than mortified.

Called for an interview to work for some reputable airline in the world, I was nothing short of thrill but then came along a disaster that neither could I blame myself for nor the lord who made it possible.

Just a few days before that, I had some strange skin infection spreading out all over my palm and went up to the wrist.

When I went to see a doctor, he could not even make of it. He prescribed some lotion and a cream that only added salt to the injury.

And there went the story. 

I was called in back for the second interview with that airlines, but sadly especially given the circumstance I had to turn it down.

Although its been confirmed as not being contagious but I rather take no chance.

It feels as if I am falling down into a dark hole. I am stuck in there not knowing where to go. There is no light at the end of the tunnel.

I am completely devastated.

For all of you who are reading this right now, please be extra cautious! If you work in an environment which requires to use your hands, or computer keyboard, again I can't stress it enough that there is no harm of being careful! Nobody knows how many hands have landed on the keyboard and some might be carriers of infectious disease.

Remember!

Pack a wet-wipe up when you go outside! Keep the hands sanitizer handy at all times. Wash your hands as regular as possible particularly after using the loo.

If you are a carrier of some stupid killing disease, please be more accountable! Seek immediate treatment! Don't be such a jackass!

Up till now, I am outrage STILL! 

Going Away

Flying is the only way for me to get off the load of my chest, by that I mean, going away on holiday!

It felt so good after coming back from one! Except for certain cases when the person I traveled with was a complete pin in the ass, mind my language!

The thing I'd enjoy sparing time for, nothing else as far I can remember.

Some even might ask, what does it take to travel? Do we must have a lot of money to do that? What about the time it takes?

The answer to that would be rather short and simple; passion! What would you do for the thing or hobby you are in love so much? Everything!

As a frequent flier, time is of the concern, nothing else is! So it is of important to plan out your weekend getaway way in advance. Be sure to have all it needs prepared.

Three days are minimum for me, but then again it varies depending on the time and budget available. Being an easy traveler myself, I couldn't care less about the place I'll stay in for as long it has got the things a room should, I am all good.

Your short trip doesn't have to complicated, remember ultimately you just want to relax! For a solo traveler, be sure to have a little medical kit packed up in your bag just in case you need it! Who knows!

My Medical Kit

If I were to choose of beach, wild or city, the first two would definitely be the ones.

Where would the next one be? hurmm...

I'm Even Too Tired To Cry

Clearly there is no point of trying so hard if everything eventually goes down the drain. I slept over at a friend's place last night in hope it would do something about my isomnia, or help me get a little bit of rest and sleep the least of course but...insurmountable.

Obviously I look nothing more but a zombie, dark bloated big bags under my eyes sum it all up.

He lives too close to a construction site that the operation running all day long as if they never stop working not a single minute, the machines worked vigorously at full swing only made the matter worst.

I just need to get a deep and obstructed sleep...arghhh...please....!

Perhaps it'd be best if speak again with my physician and see what else she or he has to say, probably would be prescribed with stronger drug. I wish!!!

The more I write, seems like the better things are getting. 

Till then....

Pillow Talk

Lack of sleep could eventually lead to series of health issues and brain cells death being among them as quoting from the recent studies done by a few major international research organisations. 

Looks no further, I myself am having this similar issue, only get a few hours sleep out of ordinary patterns in a day, and one of the major problems I'd always have throughout the day later is mood swinger, I tend to be hostile more easily than ever; even to the slightest problem as "low battery on my phone" could end up being a big problem to me, then my day is ruined.

I have been working out on it since so long as far I can remember, but all the ways that I could possibly think led to the dead end. Nothing seems to be effective.

Then I tried to relax by occasionally taking a weekend getaway whenever is possible, and here is to my amazement that it does seem to work and  obviously costly too! But it is surely not for long till thing gets back to the square one. The unpredictable climate change - the heat - only adds up to the problem.

I even took supplements to ease my isomnia.

After consulting friends and some physicians, they came out with a rather odd but cold be true suggestion that time has come to start a family, or simply put to get married.

A suggestion that has yet to be put to test. My journey is far from the finishing line, still have a lot more to see.

If you have any better way to fight and put this to an end, why not share it with me, I'll feature that in one of my posts later? 

The Joys of Living in Korea

The Joys of Living in Korea

Out of a very British sense of fairness perhaps, I am feeling a little uncomfortable with the amount of bad news or negative stories I have been writing about Korea recently on this blog and the general malaise about North Korea as well.  Believe me when I say that things aren't all bad, indeed they are very often good and better than back home in England in many regards.  This goes without saying really when you think about it, because if everything is bad then why the hell have I stayed here for so long?

So here is a list of reasons why I think Korea is actually a pretty decent place to live most of the time. 

Life is simplified (for a foreigner or native English teacher)

It really is stupidly easy to live here, even if you cannot speak the language.  When you arrive everything is usually sorted out for you; you have an apartment without looking for one, furniture without shopping, and are set up with a bank account. 

Life generally is made exceptionally easy with great delivery services, you don't have to search around for the best energy providers, public transport is efficient and cheap, and if you live in even a small city or town a convenience store, supermarket, gym, department store, doctors, dentists, pharmacy, a variety of restaurants, and all the services you can possibly need are all just around the corner.

Korean Food

As a man who is from a country well known for terrible food (for good reason), I can tell you that I really love the food here, and enjoy being introduced to such a wide variety of different Korean foods.  Korean people take great pride in their food, and for this reason I am never short of generous souls to take me out for lunch or dinner to a different restaurant so they can watch me gleefully gorge myself on another new Korean dish.  I have met some foreigners who say there is little variety and that it is all the same spicy taste, but I think they have simply not gone out there and experimented or tried enough different Korean foods.  There is great variety here, and most of it is extremely healthy, yet another tick in the box for Korean cuisine.  You can even travel to experience specialty food, something that I seem to be doing more often.  Korea has a rich culinary tradition and certain foods are considered especially delicious in different parts of the country where they specialise in them and this is well worth exploring.

Finding Work and the Work Itself

As a native English speaker, finding work in Korea is easy and for me as a man who is married to a Korean it becomes exceptionally easy.  As long as you give your work as a teacher here its own meaning and try to excel at your job, you will be appreciated and at the same time as finding work as an English teacher quite undemanding, you will be challenged enough to make things interesting.  This challenge is greater when you have to plan all your lessons without the aid of textbooks or any syllabus, like I have to.  This takes extra time and effort but is rewarding as it gives me an intellectual freedom in my job that I really enjoy.  Even for teachers without this amount of freedom, relishing the challenge of teaching and motivating students whose language it not your own is the key to enjoying the native English teacher experience.

The Lack of Petty Crime

There will always be stories that can be shared that are exceptions to this rule, but it is nice to be able to walk around with at least some level of faith that nothing will be stolen or if you lose something it might get returned to you.  As I have mentioned before on this blog, some shop owners just store their stock outside on the street under some shelter from the rain and no one steals anything.  I could not imagine this happening in Britain.  Also, if you lose your wallet you do have a great chance of getting it back with everything still inside.  Reckless vandalism also appears to be almost non-existent.  Perhaps much of this is because of a Confucian based culture's greater respect for authority, an aspect of their culture to which I have pointed out a fair amount of downsides to, but this happens to be a happy result of it.

The Lack of Politically Correct Nonsense

Sometimes in my British world of forcing school kids to wear goggles for a game of conkers, law suits for tripping on cracks in the street, failure to criticise anyone within a group of people for fear of giving offence, and everyone wins sports for the young, I yearn for some spade calling bluntness and this is what you can get in Korea.  Kids are wondering around at night buying street-food without fear of abduction or anyone reporting their parents to social services, obese people are called lazy people who need to exercise more and this is widely accepted, my high schoolers are given the responsibility for cleaning their classrooms and changing light bulbs without the fear of them having an asthma attack from dust or killing themselves with electric shocks (no one has died yet), and people trip up and make a mistake by not looking where they are going and slink off in an embarrassed manner without looking for the nearest person to claim money off of.  There are many more examples I could go through.  Sometimes they are too harsh, too blunt, and don't consider individuals very much or empathise with them but mostly I do appreciate their clarity and no-nonsense approach.

Random Acts of Kindness

I sometimes experience a level of sweetness in Korea that I rarely experience back home.  This can be in the form of offering food, surrendering an umbrella or lending one when it is raining, the offering of lifts in a car when I have looked lost and other kind gestures.  Whether these acts occur out of a sense of duty or not they can be very heart-warming.  One of the situations where I often find kind acts being done to me is while hiking, where offers of food, drink or assistance seem to be particularly common.

Exploring the Country

With a little bit of knowledge of Korean it is possible to explore the whole country just by taking public transport - which ties in with what I said about the ease of living.  With mountains, beaches, gorges, forests, islands, different foods, temples and historical landmarks, Korea is a great place to travel around with the added bonus - especially for a skin-flint like me - of not breaking the bank either.  It is a great country to explore and one that is still relatively free of tourists, so a genuine feel of the culture can be experienced.

Young People

I am very fond of young people in Korea, especially between the ages of about 11-20.  Really young kids just annoy me, period, regardless of their nationality, but that is just my personality. Young people in Korea, in my opinion are especially kind, fun, friendly, open-minded, and polite. Contrary to what some believe, I find them generally highly respectful of foreign teachers - something I explained in a previous post, here.  Reverse the situation and have Koreans teaching in English schools and I doubt whether student behaviour would be so kindly.  The reason for their affability might be because of their respect culture and the fact they are slightly oppressed by it, both in their dealings everyday with elders and their monumental amounts of study.  Respect culture is something I profoundly dislike but I must admit it does seem to create nice kids, perhaps exactly because they are slightly down-trodden by it.

There is Always Plenty of Controversy and Conflict

Some might think that this is a bad thing, but if you can embrace the difference in the culture here, you will never be short of a talking point over dinner.  Some people think embracing a culture means accepting it, I disagree.  Arguing against things you believe are wrong is important regardless of culture.  I have conflicts with Korean culture all the time but I don't necessarily accept their point of view as equally valid, I enjoy the battle against it, even if many of these battles have to be fought in my head or keyboard in hand on my blog.  If you want a debate, to write, or to be intellectually stimulated, there can be few better places to be in the world than in Korea with so much up for discussion.  This more than makes up for the stresses of clashing with the culture sometimes.  If you want a stress-free life that doesn't challenge your principles, go home or stay away.  If you want a bit of spice and interest and have your worldviews challenged, come to Korea and enjoy the ride.

People are Genuinely Interested in you

A year or so ago I took a trip to Indonesia and I was constantly disappointed by how many times someone would start a friendly conversation with me that always, in the end, turned out to be an emotional blackmailing tactic for me to buy something off of them.  You just never experience this in Korea, people are genuinely interested in you and where you come from or they want to practice their English with you.  It leads to many unexpected and pleasant conversations that can put a little smile on your face.  I have always felt a touch of innocence in many of the people in Korea in this regard and it is a very charming trait about them.

These are my own personal joys about living in Korea.  If any of my readers would like to add to this, by commenting below, I would be really interested to know if I have left anything out.

Disclaimer : The article produced and solely owned by  Christopher Smith  (click here) nor has any part of it been changed or altered.

Craziness!

We have a dream -be it as we were child or even right now as an adult- so do I and what's mine is to have the life that I always dream of; even though as it may seem is beyond achievable but nonetheless its worth dreaming after all.

Its come to the detour in which there are only two choices to pass through, its either you make a turn to the right or the left. But one thing is for sure; what lies ahead is delusional.

Right doesn't usually mean positive, sometime what you find along the way on the left could be greater than the former.

I drove all the way and came to the crossroad, where a turn could possibly change the present from either the worst to the better or the other way around.

Its been sleepless nights this past week thinking of how could all this possible be ended. And here is the real deal, after giving a long contemplation and thought, said to myself "I want to migrate"; settle down at a new place.

In my consideration of all, Korea crossed my mind as the best second option right after Japan, having said that, Japan as you might know is really not a cost-friendly city to dwell on.

Cost of living there in Japan will likely drive you up the wall, nothing is cheap or affordable about staying -in this context living- in Japan.

I spent hours all day long went on the internet, tried to gather as much information possible; tabled and compared it with some of other cities that I had in my list, worked out on any way at all reducing the cost but sadly none of them seemed to be on my side.

For starter, I will just be staying for slightly more than a month, basically to fit myself in to the cultural and not to mention the weather as well.

I'll likely rent a cheap dingy apartment- hold a sec, did I just say "dingy"? -sounds like really not a good idea but judging by my last trip to Korea, even it looks like a rundown building, scary on the outside as you step inside, surprisingly everything is in a superb order! The cleanliness is second to none! That's Korea.

Korean in comparison to Japanese are more friendly towards foreigners. Helpful!

I am planning to depart in a week times, only if nothing else works, as the last resort I'd give this a try.

Just wait till a week has gone by, and nothing is updated since then, be my guess! Perhaps I have abandoned this crazy last minute idea.

Super Powers

Oh boy...see how fast the time flies...even faster than the speed of light...

Promises are there to be broken as they say...this time round it took rather longer to have a new post updated in here...

There is just so much going on since I left my job, I have been tirelessly looking for the replacement. I have always thought that it is easy but looks like it is far more harder than it should be.

At this time, you realised that anything you planned would not always turn up to be what you imagined.

But there is no time for you to look back and regret, just have to keep moving forward; pretty much as what the Walt of Disney says. Looking how far it has come so far, I have no doubt.

Its all back to square one, I am stuck in a rut again, doing the same all routines and neither do I enjoy nor despise them. I need something more, anything at all.

Recalling some of the post I wrote in the past, clearly I prefer a job that doesn't involve staring at the computer screens all day long.

I am an outside person.

Even having to sweat under the sun or soak trenched in rain I'll do it.

I just need a job right now, and this leads to problems more than ever.

My strength is weakening.

I wasted too much of my time for nothing.

Some says now is the best time to look far beyond everything, to me this could only mean one thing, migration.

Given the circumstances, considering immigration would be a great idea.

Then again only if nothing else works.

We are leaving march in a few more days.

I'd surely come back.

We are in February already?

It took yet ages for a new entry to appear in this blog, I can see just that, frankly speaking I have not been that busy but rather I don't feel that much of interest in writing anymore as I was once then.

Right now I am up for a new adventure in which once its set off I hope will make huge different to my life.

I am going to start a long planned business I have dreamed of; due to many obstacles which come in the way it leaves me with no other option but to put the plan on hold for too long.

Remember a couple of years ago I wrote about running a cafe that is similar to Starbuck and likes. I had gone halfway then with tremendous works, nights and days till a few issues erupted that forced me to cancel it.

I take that as the boost to keep me going, from then on I tirelessly try not to look back and give up, in fact I feel much more stronger now as I believe that this is what I should really do long time ago.

I am blessed as along the way I met a couple of friends whom I have trust in, I believe coupled with hard works that the project will take off soon as planned and go well.

We are all excited and anxious at the same time, it is a big investment! Business is sort of gambling!

Next week, I am going to be in Singapore for the most anticipated air show of the year "The Singapore Air Show 2014".

Yet another big thing I look forward to, I have always wanted to go there but as you know given the nature of my job and time constraint I have never had chance to make for such a trip.

This time around I will do my level best to make this one count! Or perhaps the memorable one thus far! I be travelling with two companions in which one of them is hailed from the island himself and that would be an advantage for us in many ways, of course!

I am not giving you my words but I will upload as many possible picture of the trip in probably the upcoming entry.

For those who have been checking out this blog, THANK YOU SO MUCH....please come and visit again...

If this is the last journey.....

For an explorer world is a playground for him, hi there...I know it took ages before this entry came up on here as my life is at stake, I have never been feeling well of late.

When you're sick not only the pain will be there to accompany you...but also the fear of death...

As far as I see this is that that is not the solution to all problems, being a muslim and from what I have been taught; it is of paramount important not to give up on everything as much as the saying goes " failure is the real victory ".

Whatever you are planning to do bear in mind that nothing should ever stop you from making it real. No matter how much pain you are in, just go for it.

You only have one life to make that happen, and anything comes after that will not matter anymore.

Even in this condition I still believe that a miracle will come along to lighten the burden and get rid of the anxiety.

I miss all of my old friends....I wish they were here to be with me....

To those I have wronged and each one of you, this could be the last chance for me to seek forgiveness.

Mistakes are part and parcel of one's life and for me perfection is just another human's creation.

Deeds are there to fix the flaws of sins, to make up for what sins aren't able to do. Every inhabited things come in pair as to complement one another even to the extent of a dining table, it won't be called dining table without those chairs around.

The real deal is in here....

Your life here and thereafter begins from this miracle.

I beg for your forgiveness in anything I have done....